Column

Walk away if you are not getting what you want

By: Priya Mulji

IT CAN be soul-destroying when you reach a certain age and find yourself still single, wondering what the hell is wrong with you.

There are continuous questions such as, why does every guy I love dump me? What changes do I need to make in order for another human being to want to spend the rest of their life with me?

With that, naturally, we begin to accept less than we deserve. Often, that means accepting less than the bare minimum.

When you are someone who appreciates a morning text or flowers just because and you’re begging your partner for this, it isn’t normal. Normal is someone sending that morning text because they want to, not because you are begging for it or putting any kind of pressure on them.

I want to clarify that this column isn’t just taking aim at men. A male friend often tells me that he experiences the same with women expecting men to make all the effort when, in fact it, should be that both parties make an effort.

Put it this way: say you were in a job where you were going above and beyond, proving day in and day out that you were worthy of that promotion. But if it just didn’t ever happen, you would look for a new job. If you are buying a car and want one with a sat-nav in it, you will eventually choose one which has it installed. If you are friends with someone and they are just never there or take you for granted, you would choose to walk away because your needs aren’t being met.

Why don’t we do the same in relationships? Why do we continue to stick around and be with someone for whom a ‘Good morning, baby’ text or minimum effort is just impossible?

It was over a conversation with a friend I’ve known since the age of 11 when I truly realised why we are accepting less than we deserve. Over the years, we have met people, hoping they would change, or thinking we could fix them. By doing this, we’re investing in the potential of what they could be, when in reality, if they were going to be giving us everything we wanted, they would already be doing this.

In 2024, let’s learn to recognise our needs, wants and desires. Let us pick the partners and not the other way around. And if you’re not getting what you want, be strong enough to walk away. Sure, relationships take time and it isn’t going to happen straight off the bat. But when you’re in your thirties or forties and a year into a relationship, if someone isn’t making future plans, they probably won’t.

Take your future in your hands and get what you truly deserve. In the words of fictional character Roy Kent in Ted Lasso, ‘You deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning; don’t you dare ever settle for less.