Skip to content 
Search

Latest Stories

(Un)maternal

(Un)maternal

DID you know that if you’re pregnant after the age of 35, it is called a geriatric pregnancy? Sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Journalist, author, and host of one of my very favourite podcasts, Elizabeth Day recently shared a post on her Instagram. which stated that ‘you do not need a baby to complete you’ after Girls Aloud singer Kimberley Walsh welcomed her third child, and said she now feels complete. Elizabeth is very right.

Two days later, I was on popular dating app Bumble and started chatting to this guy, who was four years younger than me, and asked him what he was looking for. He said all the usual things, including wanting to start a family. I told him that I’m 40 next year and it may be a struggle for me to have children. I don’t know if I want to put my body through the burden. He went on to say people have children in their 40s and what’s the harm in trying? This was a major dealbreaker for me. Had he even considered the implications of his words? It’s weird how men seem to have more of an opinion on having babies than women. Men have no right to comment on the choices a woman makes around her body, ever.


This invoked a series of emotions in me. Anger mainly, because of course, it’s that easy for men. The burden of childbearing falls upon the woman. Yes, you might know someone who has had kids later in life, but do you realise the trauma they might have gone through to get there? Expensive IVF cycles that could have failed, injecting their bodies with drugs, miscarriages, years of mental health trauma from ‘aunties’ asking when are you going to have a baby? And the general toll of trying to or being pregnant takes on a woman’s body.

When it comes to single women, it’s not that we’re un-maternal, most single women I know are not single by choice. In fact, you won’t find more child-loving women than us. I love my nieces, nephews, and best friend’s kids. We will happily babysit your kids, do stuff with them, come to birthday parties and baby showers, but would you do the same if we had a life event? When my book (God-willing) gets published, will you come to my book launch? Sadly, probably not. Before you ask a woman why haven’t you had kids? Stop and think, is this question appropriate? If you say to a single woman, ‘better find someone quick, time is ticking if you want to have kids’, stop and think, maybe this woman doesn’t want to be 55 and running after a 10-year-old.

It’s okay if you do want kids, and science is amazing now, giving you so many options. But if someone says they don’t want kids and gives you specific reasons as to why, don’t argue. Accept their decision and move on. It’s that simple.

Follow Priya Mulji on www.twitter.com/priyamulji or log onto www.priyamulji.com

More For You

Amol Rajan confronts loss along the Ganges

Amol Rajan at Prayagraj

Amol Rajan confronts loss along the Ganges

ONE reason I watched the BBC documentary Amol Rajan Goes to the Ganges with particular interest was because I have been wondering what to do with the ashes of my uncle, who died in August last year. His funeral, like that of his wife, was half Christian and half Hindu, as he had wished. But he left no instructions about his ashes.

Sooner or later, this is a question that every Hindu family in the UK will have to face, since it has been more than half a century since the first generation of Indian immigrants began arriving in this country. Amol admits he found it difficult to cope with the loss of his father, who died aged 76 three years ago. His ashes were scattered in the Thames.

Keep ReadingShow less
One year on, Starmer still has no story — but plenty of regrets

Sir Keir Starmer

Getty Images

One year on, Starmer still has no story — but plenty of regrets

Do not expect any parties in Downing Street to celebrate the government’s first birthday on Friday (4). After a rocky year, prime minister Sir Keir Starmer had more than a few regrets when giving interviews about his first year in office.

He explained that he chose the wrong chief of staff. That his opening economic narrative was too gloomy. That choosing the winter fuel allowance as a symbol of fiscal responsibility backfired. Starmer ‘deeply regretted’ the speech he gave to launch his immigration white paper, from which only the phrase ‘island of strangers’ cut through. Can any previous political leader have been quite so self-critical of their own record in real time?

Keep ReadingShow less
starmer-bangladesh-migration
Sir Keir Starmer
Getty Images

Comment: Can Starmer turn Windrush promises into policy?

Anniversaries can catalyse action. The government appointed the first Windrush Commissioner last week, shortly before Windrush Day, this year marking the 77th anniversary of the ship’s arrival in Britain.

The Windrush generation came to Britain believing what the law said – that they were British subjects, with equal rights in the mother country. But they were to discover a different reality – not just in the 1950s, but in this century too. It is five years since Wendy Williams proposed this external oversight in her review of the lessons of the Windrush scandal. The delay has damaged confidence in the compensation scheme. Williams’ proposal had been for a broader Migrants Commissioner role, since the change needed in Home Office culture went beyond the treatment of the Windrush generation itself.

Keep ReadingShow less
Eye Spy: Top stories from the world of entertainment

Ed Sheeran and Arijit Singh

Eye Spy: Top stories from the world of entertainment

Ed Sheeran and Arijit Singh’s ‘Sapphire’ collaboration misses the mark

The song everyone is talking about this month is Sapphire – Ed Sheeran’s collaboration with Arijit Singh. But instead of a true duet, Arijit takes more of a backing role to the British pop superstar, which is a shame, considering he is the most followed artist on Spotify. The Indian superstar deserved a stronger presence on the otherwise catchy track. On the positive side, Sapphire may inspire more international artists to incorporate Indian elements into their music. But going forward, any major Indian names involved in global collaborations should insist on equal billing, rather than letting western stars ride on their popularity.

  Ed Sheeran and Arijit Singh

Keep ReadingShow less
If ayatollahs fall, who will run Teheran next?

Portraits of Iranian military generals and nuclear scientists, killed in Israel’s last Friday (13) attack, are seen above a road, as heavy smoke rises from an oil refinery in southern Teheran hit in an overnight Israeli strike last Sunday (15)

If ayatollahs fall, who will run Teheran next?

THERE is one question to which none of us has the answer: if the ayatollahs are toppled, who will take over in Teheran?

I am surprised that Iran’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Hosseini Khamenei, has lasted as long as he has. He is 86, and would achieve immortality as a “martyr” in the eyes of regime supporters if the Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, succeeded in assassinating him. This was apparently Netanyahu’s plan, though he was apparently dissuaded by US president Donald Trump from going ahead with the killing.

Keep ReadingShow less