Silent discriminations

WHETHER it is based on race, religion, sexuality, children, gender, disability and even age, there are different kinds of discrimination. But there are some that we don’t discuss, which happens in all communities.

Recently, I went to get my eyebrows done and it was someone different to my usual lady. She quickly proceeded to ask me if I had children, and whether I was married or not. When I said no to both, the questions began. ‘Why aren’t you married? Why don’t you go to India and find someone?’ As someone who has been very unlucky in love, I felt judged and discriminated against because of my single status.

Yes, you read that right. Single people being discriminated against has perhaps never crossed your mind. Financially, it’s harder for single people which I have learnt from becoming a homeowner a year ago, especially when we want to make renovations or when saving for a deposit. Many single women would love to adopt, but on a sole income, it’s often not possible. We’re the people who stand alone at a party if we don’t know many people or are called upon by our families to run errands, because they think we have all the free time in the world.

When I shared the above story on my social media, my messages went crazy. People, and not just Asians started telling me they’re discriminated against for being single and for not having children. Others were asked when they were going to have their second. A young woman told me members of her extended family asked why she had moved out and bought a house alone. Another told me that she had only been married a couple of months before she started getting asked if she was trying for a baby. One had even been discriminated against for only having girl children. It’s almost 2024, why is this still happening?

Most are aware of the discriminatory behaviour, many have encountered it and some will publicly condemn it. But what about the silent discrimination that isn’t spoken about, debated or in the public domain?

The only way we can overcome these barriers is education. We need to educate others, including elders about the fact that these nosy, personal, inappropriate questions are not okay. If you see someone struggling to answer these questions, step up and say it’s not okay to ask this.

Women, regardless of whether you are married or not and if you have children or not, you are amazing and not alone. There are millions of women in the same position as you, so reach out to someone. Whether it’s talking to a friend or someone on social media, you can find solace in knowing there is someone in the same position as you. If you discriminate against singletons or those who don’t have children, be more mindful. Ladies stick up for one another and don’t be afraid to raise this issue.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Maya Angelou – ‘Each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women.’