Reconnecting with an ex and its complexities

If you are considering reaching out to an ex, think about the many possibilities that may occur and tread carefully

• Priya Mulji
• 10 November, 2023

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By: Priya Mulji

A BIG storyline in the recently concluded second series of And Just Like That was the main protagonist Carrie Bradshaw reuniting with past romantic flame Aidan Shaw.

In the spin-off series, Mr Big, the man she chose, has passed away and Carrie reaches out to Aidan after many years of estrangement. This has caused conversations with everyone from fans to media debating if it was plausible, right to take a step back or a smart move. Carrie also ponders the question in true Sex and City style; was Big, a big mistake?

I’m sure we have all been there, wanting to message an ex after many years, just to see how they are with the hope of potential reconciliation. But is it really a good idea? Sure, there will be a part of your heart that belongs to the one that got away, but generally, people break up because something wasn’t right in the relationship. We might romanticise about that one ex, but forget the way they treated us, the negative aspects or the depression and therapy we went through after the breakup.

However, life can do a u-turn, and distance creates change in people. What we want in life can change and this can be reflected in our requirements in a partner. What or who wasn’t right before, can be the best thing for you years later. And sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. You might appreciate someone’s kindness and maturity more than you did in your 20s or 30s, later in life. Often it takes meeting the wrong people to realise who was right for you. But on the flipside, does taking that step back prevent you from moving forward. Others may get the closure they need from reconnecting.

Another issue the show raised, is women who are childless, navigating relationships with divorced partners with children. As someone who does not have any children, it is inevitable that at 41, I will meet someone who has been married before and may have children. Women will need to understand that the man’s children will always be their partners number one priority and that the ex-wife will always be present in their lives. So that needs to be considered.

If you are considering reaching out to an ex, think about the many possibilities that may occur and tread carefully. More importantly, before reaching out to an ex that hurt you, remember that there is someone better out there, who will give us everything we ever wanted. Your ex is likely to be happy in their life and may not want you back. Think about how they made you feel when you were in a relationship. But if it’s meant to be, it’ll all work out just fine. Whatever you do, look after your own heart and be prepared for every outcome.