I ALWAYS used to worry that I would end up alone. I used to worry that no one was going to be with me because I have a heart condition.
Who would love me? Having an invisible illness in the south Asian community is difficult. I could go through an operation without feeling nervous at all, but the comments that people make is what gives me anxiety. I have been told to go to the Golden Temple and bathe in holy water so I would be able to find someone to marry. I have been asked when my friends are going to get married. I was the same age as them, but why was I not getting asked.
I would overhear people saying they must have done something in their past life to get what they have in this life. I always feared that I would meet someone, but they would leave me straight away because of my heart condition. I thought I would never be accepted by a south Asian family. How would I be able to tell them I have a heart condition and that I cannot have kids? I never thought I would get married. Why would someone love me? How would anyone accept me? It took me so long to accept that what is meant to be, will be. I used to come crying to my mum and say I am never going to find anyone. I am never going to find love. Who would want me?
I then took control. I started to accept myself and my health. I started to love myself more. I had to make that step to love and accept myself first. It was a long journey, but I had so much support along the way, especially from Rupinder at Asian Women Mean Business. I had joined a sisterhood that I was a part of and had my back. I was so grateful and blessed to have family and friends that supported me every step of the way. They used to tell me to ignore the comments and have faith. I knew I would find someone. I did have hope and did have faith, but also had the fear of rejection.
And then one day God blessed me. It was not that I did not have faith, but I knew I could leave it in God’s hands. If I was meant to find and be with someone, God would help me.
My prayers were finally answered: I have found someone who accepts me and loves me for me. I have found someone who supports and looks after me everyday. I have found my soulmate. I have found someone who deals with my health even better than me. And I am now married!
The reason I wanted to write this is because I want you all to know even if you are struggling to find someone with an invisible illness or not, there is someone out there for everyone. Dreams do come true. Never give up!
