Have you ever entered a room and, upon looking around, found yourself trying to recall why you were there? That’s how it sometimes happens to us during the day: we suddenly stop, take a pause, and can’t understand what exactly brought us to this stage. Sometimes, when we reach the highest peak in our career or life, the final result evokes nothing in us. And it can be one of the scariest things in the world — to realize that you were running after someone else’s goals.
We may uncover this through years of therapy for childhood trauma or self-reflection, searching for the root of our wants. However, how can you distinguish between your real desires and the ones that were imposed on you? There are other, faster ways to achieve it.
Whose Voice Is That?
When you have a strong desire for something, stopping yourself from jumping right into pursuing it can feel like an impossible task. Indeed, listening to the voice in your head that says “I want it right now” is a real struggle of personal will. Users of wellbeing app admit that stopping themselves from running after the goal immediately may feel like an impossible task at first.
The next time, when a strong want for something arises, pause and ask yourself: Where did this come from? Whose voice does it sound like? Who may be the one to want this?
For example, you might think that you fancy that huge promotion the moment your boss writes you an email. After listening to that inner voice, though, you realise that you have never really been career-motivated. In reality, your parent has always hoped to be successful, and that’s their dream speaking through you now.
No Judgment Scenario
Let’s strip away external validations that influence you. When you look at the thing you’re about to pursue, visualize a scenario where no one will judge or praise you or even know what you chose. No one will give or take anything back from you after this choice.
Sit with this visualization for some time. After that, ask yourself: do you still want this? If you had nothing to gain from this thing aside from itself, would you pursue it? This removes the reward system that gives you an imaginary pat on the back for the “right choice.”
Let the Body Do the Talking
It’s harder to trick your body than your mind. Our physical responses can’t be rewritten with a list of logical arguments. In contrast, our thoughts and motivations are often influenced by rationalization. Start trusting your body more.
Authentic desires often produce a different body response than those based on fear, pressure, or ego. The moment you have the option to buy, ask, or compete for something, become very attentive. Like a radio catching the waves, start listening to the frequencies of your body.
For instance, your friend invites you to a dancing competition. Do you sense any tension or excitement? Are you feeling nauseous or light, as if you’re ready to jump?
Do the Hard Stuff: A Regret Test
Some psychologists and thinkers believe that our fear of aging and death can shed light on what we really want to achieve. When we think about our mortality and all that we can lose, all those imaginary dreams appear pointless.
Do a quick time travel — and you don’t have to be Doctor Who for this experiment. Imagine yourself as an old person looking back on life. Think: What are the things you would regret not going after? And what seems foolish now? What were the things you wish you had, or who were the people you could have kept?
Photo by Christian Lue on Unsplash
Energy Inventory
As a rule, things that we truly want tend to keep us energized or allow us to recharge faster. At the same time, the needs we took from someone else tend to drain us, even if they take little time. In this case, some findings require introspection and careful observation.
For just a week, keep a journal. Not your typical diary — instead, write down things that you think you want to do. To illustrate:
Monday:
- To visit grandma
- To buy a new car
- To answer the call from the person I met at a party.
Do these things make you feel energized or tired? Is there some depth to your want, or are your desires mostly… flat?
Your Fantasy Life
This final exercise can be scaled down or up depending on the nature of the desire we’re talking about. Treat this as your ultimate uncensored desire mapping. The main goal behind this? Everything is possible.
If we’re speaking of global passions and dreams, you can write down this question:
If I could start over somewhere new, with no fear of disappointing anyone or being judged, how would I spend my days?
If you think about just this one day, it can be something like:
If I am not here to please anyone or do what I must, and no one will find out what I am doing, how would I spend my day?
This exercise may appear simple, but formulating your question through the lens of no responsibility and no pressure allows you to focus solely on your wants.
Conclusion
As you try these practices, the real key to succeeding in them and finding your way back to your heart is trusting yourself. Give yourself the right to dream big and look beyond the constraints of what others say is possible. Any time a doubt rises in your mind, gently remind yourself that you are the one to live this life and face its joys and perils. And so, it is you whose wishes matter most to your hopeful heart.
This article is paid content. It has been reviewed and edited by the Eastern Eye editorial team to meet our content standards.
