The Great British Bake Off star Nadiya Hussain has opened up about fighting anxiety in a new documentary that will be aired on BBC One on Wednesday.
The documentary Anxiety and Me shows her undergoing therapy to beat the attacks.
The 34-year-old has been suffering from panic attacks for most of her adult life after bullies "flushed her head down the toilet" at school.
"Why am I making this documentary?" she said. "Because I’m selfish. Because I want to get better. And partly because I know that having anxiety is probably one of the most lonely, most isolating things to have because you are your own worst enemy.
"That feeling of worry is always there, it’s so heavy and it never goes away. I have a panic attack and it feels like I’m going to die."
After Hussain consulted a GP, she was told she had high levels of anxiety and possibly had post traumatic stress disorder due to bullying.
Hussain said: "I’ve had this feeling as long as I can remember. I was bullied in primary school for being dark. Last year of school they flushed my head down the toilet. I’ve tried to suppress it and dig deep and push it down."
One session sees her trying to breathe deeply to control her panic attacks. But it only brings back traumatic memories.
"It reminds me of that moment when I was hiding under the sink and my head was flushed down the toilets," she says.
"I still have that memory of the water going up my nose and knowing that if they don’t pull me up now I am going to drown with my head in this toilet."
The documentary sees her trying to control her anxiety with the help of therapy, and support from her husband and other family members.
"I know my treatment isn’t finished and I know I’ve got a long way to go but I feel ready for it. I already see little glimmers. So I know there’s hope," she concludes.
