AUSTRALIA retained the Ashes with a thumping innings and 14-run win in the third Test in Melbourne on Tuesday (28), with debutant paceman Scott Boland laying waste to England's hapless batsmen with a devastating six-wicket haul.
Boland, only the second Indigenous Australian to play a men's Test match, came off the Melbourne Cricket Ground turf with a prize stump and astonishing innings figures of 6 for 7 as England capitulated for 68 before lunch on day three, their 13th lowest total in Tests.
"I thought we had a pretty good chance of winning but I had no idea we would do it before lunch," said 32-year-old Boland, who won the Johnny Mullagh medal as player of the match.
"Obviously I thought (debuting) was going to be really tough, a big step up from anything else I'd played before. I was hoping to make a bit of an impact."
Australia sealed the series 3-0 in front of a festive 'Boxing Day' Test crowd of 42,000, leaving England playing for pride in the final two Tests in Sydney and Brisbane.
With Australia having won by 275 runs in Adelaide and nine wickets in the Brisbane opener, home captain Pat Cummins was left pinching himself as Boland and Mitchell Starc (3 for 29) wrapped up the series within 90 minutes on a glorious morning in Melbourne.
"Just an awesome few weeks, so proud of the group here and just everything's clicked," said Cummins, who has led his side with aplomb as a late replacement for Tim Paine.
"So happy for Scottie in front of his home crowd today, just an amazing feeling."
England captain Joe Root was left devastated. He has now lost seven of eight Tests as captain in Australia after failing to wrest back the urn on home soil in 2019.
His top score of 28 in England's second innings spoke volumes of the team's batting inadequacies, and he was in no mood to discuss the future of his captaincy.
England captain Joe Root. (REUTERS/Loren Elliott)
"I think they've definitely outplayed us in the three games," Root said.
"We've not been good enough.
"For what is quite a young batting group, they're having to learn here in the harshest environment.
"We have to try and make sure we come away from this tour with a couple of wins."
FAIRYTALE SPELL
Skittled for 185 in the first innings, England had resumed on 31 for four in their second on Tuesday (28), needing another 51 runs to make Australia bat again.
Their faint hopes were pinned on Root and Ben Stokes building a partnership after another calamitous collapse late on day two.
But it all went up in smoke as Starc bowled Stokes for 11 and Boland fired up for a fairytale four-over spell.
The Victoria paceman had Jonny Bairstow lbw for five, Root edge to the slips and removed Mark Wood for a caught-and-bowled duck, sending his home MCG crowd into delirium.
Two balls after Wood's wicket, Boland had his sixth victim when Ollie Robinson also went for a duck by hitting straight to Marnus Labuschagne.
Allrounder Cameron Green sealed England's humiliation by bowling James Anderson for two before the stroke of midday, leaving ticket-holders short-changed, if mostly thrilled.
Australia have claimed both the Ashes and the T20 World Cup title in a golden six weeks, bouncing back from the 2-1 Test series defeat to an under-strength India over the last home summer.
They will head into the final matches of the series hopeful of sweeping the Ashes for the first time since 2013/14.
"We probably haven't strung (together) the performances over the last couple of years that we expected of ourselves," said Cummins.
"So I think this really consolidates that we are a really good, strong Test cricket side.
"I think it's a good sign for the next few years."
He gave away all their Lamborghinis once, which kind of sums up the financial whiplash.
His public digs at her family, like Kris Jenner, became impossible to ignore.
On North's style hate, Kim says her daughter genuinely does not care what trolls think.
Kim Kardashian has finally spoken up about why she left Kanye West, admitting that it was not a single event, but rather several weeks during which things slowly fell apart. The constant instability left her feeling on edge, unsafe even. Then there is North and people picking apart her clothes as if it is some battle. Kim has had to fight that battle, too, every single day.
Kim Kardashian speaks out about her turbulent split with Kanye West Getty Images/Instagram/northwsst
That "unsafe" feeling wasn't what you think
She kept using that word, "unsafe." But it is not what the tabloids want you to imagine. It was this constant low-grade dread, wondering which Kanye you would get that day. And the financial stuff was wild. Remember that time she came home and every single one of their five Lamborghinis was just gone? He had given them away to friends. Just like that.
How does anyone build a future when the next hour feels uncertain? Try mapping out your life when you cannot predict the next mood. And then the family thing started. He would go on these public rants, targeting Kris, going after her sisters. How do you even move forward after that? Arguments are normal, but hearing someone insult your family crosses a line that changes everything.
Inside the financial chaos that pushed Kim to leave KanyeGetty Images
So, how is North handling all the online hate?
Turns out, better than her mum. People lost it over that dermal piercing in Rome. But Kim says North saw the comments, and her reaction was basically a shrug. The kid said she probably would not be friends with people who hate on her blue hair anyway.
Kim is just trying to keep up. Her house is like a make-up lab on weekends, with North and her friends mastering special effects looks. But Kim admits she does not always get it right. "We made that mistake in front of the whole world," she said about one outfit choice. She is literally learning how to parent a teen while we all watch.
It all came down to a brutal choice: stick with the chaos for the sake of the four kids or save herself. She chose herself. The relationship got, as she put it, "toxic," especially when he was not willing to make changes that might have helped. It is the same gut instinct that now has her defending North, creating a stable home after all that instability, a place where her kids feel confident even if the internet does not like their lip liner.
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