Why helping ageing parents is precious

AS OUR parents’ health begins to deteriorate, one of the hardest things in life is watching them age. Some can no longer walk for more than 10 minutes, and their memory isn’t what it used to be. There are also hidden complications associated with ageing.

I grew up in a working-class family. My dad was named Simba when he lived back in Zanzibar, Africa. He swam in the open ocean and ran for miles. The joinery skills he learned from his father have been passed down to my brother and me. My mum worked long hours sewing and in factories to provide for us, ensuring we had everything we needed. She also taught me never to rely on anyone for anything, which has shaped me into the strong, independent woman I am today.

Recently, I’ve spent extended time with my parents and seen a different side to them. Watching their health and memories change is difficult. Eventually, we do become parents to our parents. Many people will relate to this, especially as we reach our 40s, and our parents are in their 70s, 80s, or 90s.

One of the most beautiful things I’ve had the privilege of doing is caring for them. I’ll admit, I was perhaps a little pampered growing up – not in the spoilt sense, but I didn’t have to cook, pay anything toward the house, or clean much when I lived at home – until I was 30.

So, when my parents stayed with me recently, being able to do the same for them really fed my soul. Now, I should clarify – neither of my parents are on the verge of death, and they won’t be any time soon. But when I see people who only see their parents a couple of times a year or only call them when they need something, it makes me wonder why. I call my mum every day, often two or three times. She’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What I realised from spending time with them is that conversations are vital. Ask them how they’re feeling. Have those conversations with empathy and compassion. Some older people may struggle with words, so it’s important not to get frustrated and to help them as much as possible. Another important aspect is to help them maintain their independence. Let them make their own decisions, stay socially active, and get exercise.

Ultimately, this is a time of change for our ageing parents, and it’s a journey we can all navigate together. I’ll leave you with a quote from Ausonius: “Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years.”