• Friday, March 29, 2024

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Getting reconnected: why family matters

By: Admin Super

Have you drifted apart from your family or had disagreements that have damaged your relationship? Have you become separated from them, or do you still see each other but not talk as much as you’d like? Sometimes even when living in the same house people can become distant from one another. Despite what we’d all like to think there are no guarantees that families will always remain close, but what we can do is to remind each other why it’s worth it. There’s no feeling of warmth like the one to be found surrounded by family members, and you’ll never feel alone or disconnected when you understand the full richness of your heritage.

Redefining a relationship as adults

One of the difficulties that often develops between parents and children stems from a failure to adjust to children becoming adults. Whilst there are aspects of the family relationship that will never change, parents need to recognise that their children have become separate, whole people in their own right – still naive sometimes, yes, but who isn’t? Grown children, meanwhile, need to recognise that their parents are people, not just providers or rule-makers. Adjusting to these changes can be difficult but it’s ultimately liberating for both parties. An adult relationship can be just as fulfilling, making room for a new kind of respect and mutual sympathy. Parents can still enjoy watching their children grow and discover new things, and can still be there to provide guidance when it’s sought.

Making concessions, making allowances

As children work out who they are as adults, the risk of clashes grows. This may be because they think very differently about major issues or it may simply be a case of personalities not aligning well. There comes a point when parents can no longer lay down the law and disagreements need to be dealt with in a different way. Both parents and children, if they are principled people, may find that there are some things they’re simply not able to agree on, but often there’s more room for understanding and acceptance than might seem to be the case from a distance. We all have to make some adjustments to how we behave around other people and, at the same time, accept their imperfections. The important thing is to make sure that this isn’t all one way and that there is communication about it. In the end, few disagreements are really more important than family bonds.

Sharing activities

A lot of what builds and strengthens bonds between people stems from what they do together. How long is it since you really spent time together as a family, sharing activities that you all enjoy? It could be as simple as cooking and eating a meal together or visiting a local beauty spot. It could be something more challenging, like participating in adventure sports together or taking on a shared creative project. If there are issues with family members competing too much or criticising one another’s ways of doing things, consider activities where you’re all contributing but doing so in different ways. Don’t write off traditional activities like playing board games and make sure that special occasions really include something special for each family member.

Exploring your roots

One of the most difficult things about being separated from family, even when it’s only temporary, is the sense of loneliness that can come from trying to navigate a white majority culture which never really makes room for everybody. It can be particularly challenging on special days when there’s nobody around who understands why they matter. There’s a sense of relief associated with returning to the family home and a community that share your heritage. Why not take that a step further and go travelling – with family members or on your own – to learn more about the places where your family originated? You could make it a weekend visit or you could put your belongings in a storage unit and spend a few months on the road, getting to know those places in depth. Doing so will give you a much richer appreciation of the traditions you’ve grown up with and will help you to understand the degree of importance they hold for older relatives.

In a society that tends to focus heavily on the individual, it’s all too easy to lose track of the importance of family and heritage, but reconnecting reminds us how much stronger they can make us. They’re part of who we are – not just in the past, but in the future we can build together.

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