There must be a root and branch investigation into the culture of racism, misogyny, and Islamophobia in every police service in England and Wales.
That is the demand from south Asian and black MPs, as well as serving and past police officers.
They have told Eastern Eye that they do not believe the Metropolitan Police are the only force to have this problem.
According to a Labour MP, the police have a culture of “covering up”, while a serving officer said that the service had a “code of silence” akin to organised criminal gangs.
Writing exclusively in this newspaper, the Labour MP for Brent Central, Dawn Butler made the case for change.
“Strong leadership means building an organisational culture in which public service trumps self-preservation,” she wrote.
“The culture of cover-up cannot continue.
“Strong organisations want to improve and know that exposing and addressing institutional failures is part of righting the wrongs.”
Dame Cressida Dick (Photo credit: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)
The final nail seemed to be the revelation by the police watchdog, the IOPC, that officers from Charing Cross had joked about rape and exchanged offensive social media messages.
Khan acknowledged that poor policing culture was a UK-wide problem.
“We've got to make sure that police forces across the country, there are 43, are free from a culture that allows racism, sexism, misogyny, Islamophobia to exist and, in some places, to flourish,” he told this newspaper, mere hours before Dick resigned.
“One of the reasons why I feel so disgusted and angry is that it wasn't just one officer, it was 14. It wasn't historic, it wasn’t isolated.”
(Photo credit: Daniel Leal/AFP/Getty Images)
In recent months, the Met had been criticised for a series of errors - from its handling of parties in Downing Street during lockdown to the policing of a vigil for Sarah Everard, who was raped and murdered by a serving police officer, Wayne Couzens.
Met failures
Two other serving Met officers were jailed for taking photos of two murdered women and sharing them on WhatsApp.
The London mayor felt the commissioner had failed to come up with a plan to tackle serious issues in her force.
Khan revealed to Eastern Eye that he was not aware until very recently that nine of the 14 investigated were still in the Met and two had been promoted.
Home secretary Priti Patel (left) and Sadiq Khan have slammed the police leadership and culture after the Charing Cross behaviour came to light (Photo credit: Victoria Jones/Pool/Getty Images)
“I discovered this last week,” he said. “That's why it's so important for us to redouble our efforts to earn confidence.
“It's not a right. We have to have the confidence of people whose confidence has been shaken, 14 officers, some of the language, I can’t repeat it.
“Nine still serving, two promoted, it beggar’s belief.”
Meanwhile, there seems to be a change in attitude towards racism at the top of the force since Dick’s decision to quit.
Javid is responsible for professional standards in his force, and he said there was "absolutely no room for racism in policing, especially here in the Metropolitan Police”.
He told the BBC, “If people are found to be racist or discriminatory in any way, then I will do absolutely everything I can to make sure they're removed from the police.”
Analysis by the BBC’s Shared Data Unit, which supplies figures to Eastern Eye and other publications, revealed on Friday (11) that Independent Office for Police Complaints (IOPC) felt “police forces often frustrated proceedings by providing only a written statement instead of an interview”.
It also exposed that in 181 cases the IOPC felt “a reasonable tribunal could find misconduct in respect of the individuals involved”.
• Those 181 cases involved a combined total of 244 police officers and 59 staff.
• Misconduct was proven in the case of 150 officers (67 per cent of the 224 who had not left the force); 37 staff (75 per cent of the 49 who had not left the force).
Wider police problem
The president of the National Black Police Association, Andy George, agreed it was not just a problem in the Met.
“We see this behaviour across most police services throughout the United Kingdom, so it's not just a Met issue,” he said.
“While the police services are a reflection of society, we're also held to a higher account.
“We shouldn't be displaying the same behaviours as general society.
“People operate within the boundaries that you're allowed to operate within, and it's those boundaries which have been pushed further and further apart with the Metropolitan Police and the Charing Cross incidents.
“The failure, I think, for policing, is not dealing with these issues, and for some police leaders to be more concerned with their reputational damage than they are with dealing with the very real needs of victims is what’s stymieing progress.”
Leaders burying their heads in the sand is a major problem, said George.
“It's that reluctance to accept that there is an issue. We had a discussion within the last few weeks in policing around whether the police are still institutionally racist
“Police leaders in the United Kingdom are more open to the discussion than they ever have been.
“But we're still at that stage where we're afraid to actually admit what's actually going on.
“It's not a reflection of anybody's particular leadership style. It's just a by-product of what's been allowed to go on in the past, and which is still rife at this moment in time.
“If we actually admit the full scale of the problem, then we can put meaningful solutions in place to tackle it.”
‘Turning a blind eye’
Labour’s Birmingham Perry Barr MP, Khalid Mahmood, explained how his south Asian constituents have complained about the service they get from West Midlands Police.
Khalid Mahmood
“The West Midlands Police is no different from the Met,” he said. “It has all of those and more.
“I've got a number of people complaining in my constituency about people being harassed.
“The way they've been arrested, the way people have been stopped and searched.
“There have been issues around gang crime, which has not been dealt with, really all sorts of illegal activities.
“The police service turn a blind eye, and it's an absolute disaster. There is no real policing, people are afraid, and they have to look after themselves.
“They are afraid to go and report anything, because the police will not do anything at all.”
He now wants a root and branch investigation into every police force, not just the Met.
“There are a number of cases that I've been dealing with where the police have completely ignored the issue,” said the MP.
“The way it's been dealt with, people are absolutely at their wit's end, where the police have not been able to investigate their issues.
“They just feel totally let down by the whole thing. Literally every single crime, from being mugged to being raped, to being beaten up, in some instances, being killed.”
Assistant director of diversity & inclusion at West Midlands Police, Dr Darren Ralph told Eastern Eye, “We will not tolerate discrimination in any form and any police officer or member of staff found to have behaved in such a manner can expect to be dismissed.
“There is no place for racism or any other form of discrimination in policing and if we don’t tackle it internally, we cannot expect the public, particularly those from Black, Asian and ethnic minority communities, to put their trust in us.
“It’s disappointing to hear Mr Mahmood’s views. Our door is always open to him should he wish to raise any issues or concerns.”
Naz Shah (Photo credit: Leon Neal/Getty Images)
Mahmood’s Labour colleague in Bradford West, Naz Shah, told Eastern Eye that she was a critical friend of West Yorkshire Police.
She believed that UK policing was the best in the world.
Even so, Shah said that after the problems brought up in the Met, policing needed to change its overall culture.
“There have to be some brave conversations, and those are the most difficult, but those brave conversations are the ones that can lead to real change,” she said.
“There is work to be done, and it's been slow progress, but we have to continue with that.
“We have to work with people. Charing Cross was appalling, it took us back 20 years to when Stephen Lawrence was murdered and the idea of institutional racism.
“There’s clearly a culture that needs to be shifted, and I think it's really important for the incoming person to understand these nuances to be able to deal with them.”
Weak leadership
Former detective superintendent, Shabnam Chaudhri, knows all about institutional racism in the Met.
In 1999, she confronted her force about it, after which she was singled out as a troublemaker.
Shabnam Chaudhri
While she was saddened to see the commissioner forced to quit, Chaudhri explained why the police needed to tackle the issues of racism, sexism, misogyny, and Islamophobia.
“That culture has been well embedded within the organisation for many, many years, and across policing throughout the UK,” she said.
The former detective superintendent left the Met in 2019 after 30 years, proud to have served the communities of London.
What disappointed her about the first female commissioner was that Dick refused to accept that the Met remained institutionally racist on her watch.
“Police officers don’t understand what the definition is of institutional racism.
“Institutional racism is when systems and processes disadvantage black or minority officers, when it comes to promotion processes, when it comes to lateral progression, and when it comes to discipline.”
But one of the biggest problems, she said, is leadership.
“Somebody will make a complaint, call out behaviours which are unprofessional and inappropriate.
“They then are subjected to being isolated or targeted by colleagues, direct line managers,
“That complainant will then go on to make a further complaint.
“What happens is, the line managers speak to senior leaders tell them their side of the story, and the senior leaders take on face value what they've been told without any form of conversation with the complainant.
“Before you know it, they've closed ranks, and the complainant is then being discriminated against.
“They're being subjected to further victimisation, bullying, denied opportunities and then seen as a troublemaker.”
That targeting of individual officers brave enough to call out unacceptable behaviour leads to a fear of whistleblowing, she said.
That in turn allows a culture of racism, sexism, misogyny and Islamophobia to flourish, suggested the NBPA president, Andy George.
“For black, Asian and other ethnically diverse officers and staff, I think it's a real fear about bringing forward some of those issues.
“Some of that is prevented, it’s that stigma, not just about the organisation, but on their ability to continue working there.
“It's about how their colleagues are going to respond to them. There’s that silence. It's almost like omerta within organised crime groups where you are not allowed to speak out.
“If you do, you're seen to be not one of the boys or one of the people within the organisation.
“That's the wrong attitude to have, and whilst that can happen to any officer, it's definitely amplified if you're from a black, Asian or other ethnically diverse background.”
Non-white police chiefs
In the history of UK policing, only one ethnic minority has run his own force as chief constable.
That was Mike Fuller who led Kent Police between 2004 and 2010.
During that time only a handful of south Asian and black officers had the potential to become chief constables.
Even today, according to latest Home Office figures, only five non-white officers are so-called “chief officers”, the rank of assistant chief constables and above.
In 2007, that figure was seven.
One of the five of today’s crop, Wasim Chaudhry, is a temporary assistant chief constable at Greater Manchester.
Only one, Assistant Commissioner Neil Basu, is of chief constable rank.
George told Eastern Eye having people of colour at the head of a police force would be one way of helping change culture.
“We've seen a lot of action around the violence against women and girls, and it's quite right that that's happening,” he said.
“The reason that's happening is because police chiefs have a personal connection, or an emotional connection to those issues.
“Because of 17 chief officers are women, the fact is as female they are able to push forward their own experiences.”
The other thing which will make a huge difference is access to the top table.
“You need people not just at the highest levels, as in chief constables or commissioners, you need it across the board.
“All of the business that gets done, doesn't get done in the meetings which we attend.
“They get done over coffee, they get done over meetings and lunch.
“A lot of the meetings are just a tick box of what's already been decided beforehand.
“So, that's the key. If we have people from black or Asian backgrounds sitting at the highest levels and every level of the organisation, that is going to allow us to share our experiences, to share the kind of the really deeply emotional issues which racism provides.”
England's Shoaib Bashir celebrates with teammates after taking the wicket of Zimbabwe's Craig Ervine, catch taken by Harry Brook Action Images via Reuters/Peter Cziborra
ZIMBABWE made a positive start as they began their reply to England’s imposing first-innings score, reaching 73 for one wicket at lunch on the second day of the one-off test at Trent Bridge on Friday (23).
The 21-year-old Brian Bennett was unbeaten on 36 off 38 balls alongside captain Craig Ervine (30 not out) at the end of the morning session, trailing by 492 runs after England had declared their first innings on 565-6.
Bennett hit three boundaries in the first over off debutant Sam Cook and was aggressive as the visitors looked to put behind them an attritional opening day for their bowlers on Thursday (22).
But Cook did get a first test wicket as he squared up Ben Curran, who got a thick edge to steer the ball to Harry Brook at second slip in the fifth over of the Zimbabwe innings. Curran, whose two brothers have played test cricket for England, made six runs.
Essex paceman Cook, 27, rewarded for a career that had yielded 321 first-class at an average of 19.5 before this match, was the first England debutant to send down the opening over of a Test innings since James Kirtley at Trent Bridge in 2003.
Zimbabwe had been pummelled on the opening day as their poor bowling was sent to all corners by a rampant English batting line-up, who amassed 498-3 with Ben Duckett, Zak Crawley and Ollie Pope all scoring centuries.
England batted for a further 45 minutes on the second day, losing three wickets in the 8.3 overs they faced on Friday morning before declaring.
Pope, eyeing a double century after being 169 not out overnight, added only two runs to his total before a faint edge off Tanaka Chivanga to wicketkeeper Tafadzwa Tsiga saw him depart nine balls into the new day’s play.
Captain Ben Stokes, in his first knock since the December test against New Zealand, was bounced out by the tall seamer Blessing Muzarabani for nine, falling to a good catch at fine leg by Curran squinting into the sun.
Brook was dropped on the ropes by substitute fielder Wellington Masakadza off Chivanga before rushing to his half century off 48 balls.
But when he played on to Muzarabani two balls later and was out for 58, England declared with Jamie Smith unbeaten on four at the other end after being dropped by Tsiga off Chivanga in the previous over.
Muzarabani was the best of the Zimbabwe bowlers with 3-143 off 24.3 overs.
In the long and undistinguished annals of Bollywood mediocrity, Harshvardhan Rane holds a curious place. Neither a major star nor a complete unknown, he has hovered on the periphery of stardom for nearly a decade.
Despite having almost exclusively delivered flops, he has somehow managed to stay in the news. His latest brush with relevance comes via an unnecessary controversy, wrapped in nationalistic chest-thumping and petty social media drama.
Mawra Hocanegetty images
It all began with the inexplicable resurrection of Sanam Teri Kasam, a forgettable romantic drama from 2016 that barely made a dent upon its original release. Dismissed by critics and largely ignored by audiences, it faded into obscurity. But in a bizarre twist, the film found surprising traction when it was re-released in 2025. Why? No one knows – not even the most seasoned industry watchers. Perhaps it was nostalgia, curiosity, or just sheer cinematic masochism. Despite being freely available on YouTube for years, it managed to draw audiences and became moderately successful. Let’s be clear though: it is still not a good film.
What it did do, however, was give renewed attention to an actor who should have been long forgotten by Bollywood. Unsurprisingly, Rane seemed ready to cash in. But instead of showing humility over this rare second wind, he stirred controversy by invoking the real and escalating India–Pakistan conflict. Rather than using his platform to promote peace, he jumped onto social media to boldly declare that he would not work with his Pakistani co-star Mawra Hocane in any potential sequel.
This move was baffling – especially considering Hocane had long since moved on to far bigger stardom and more substantial work. Her response was swift, smart, and scathing. In a single social media post, she dismissed Rane’s performative nationalism, pointing out that a war was ongoing and innocent lives were being lost. She called his statement “shameful, bizarre and desperate,” writing: “While our nations are at war, this is what you come up with — a PR statement to get attention? What a pity!”
Unlike Rane’s patchy career, Hocane is a huge star in Pakistan, with a string of hit TV serials, a larger social media following, and far greater acting range. She does not need to share the screen with him – and certainly not for a sequel no one asked for.
But Rane wasn’t done. He made another clumsy attempt to milk the moment by hinting at a sequel to Sanam Teri Kasam. The film’s co-directors Radhika Rao and Vinay Sapru – whose careers have been even less impressive than Rane’s – weighed in, stating that Hocane would not be part of any such project. The pettiness didn’t end there: Hocane’s face was scrubbed from the Sanam Teri Kasam soundtrack artwork on Spotify. A spiteful move, given that she has the larger fanbase and, frankly, delivered the film’s more memorable performance.
Sanam Teri Kasamgetty images
What made these collective statements particularly absurd was that a sequel has not even been officially greenlit. Given Rane’s track record and the clueless directing duo behind the original, any producer willing to back such a venture would need the courage of a war general and the bankroll of a gambler on a losing streak.
As tensions between India and Pakistan escalate, with real lives at stake, Rane’s posturing has felt especially tone-deaf. He now joins a long list of minor celebrities on both sides of the border who have tried to exploit geopolitical crises for publicity, rather than using their platforms to advocate for peace, dialogue – or even basic decency.
At a time when empathy and unity are needed most, Rane, like so many others, chose division and drama. That says a lot — not just about his career, but about how desperation for relevance can turn an actor into a headline-chaser rather than an artist or responsible citizen.
Perhaps instead of reaching for controversy, he should focus on finding a script that finally works. Or better yet, some introspection.
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Aishwarya Rai handles Cannes cape slip with poise after Helen Mirren accident
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s return to the Cannes red carpet in 2025 wasn’t just about fashion, but a mix of poise, heritage, and a small moment of real-life awkwardness that she turned into grace.
For her second red carpet appearance this year, Aishwarya arrived in a dramatic black gown paired with an ivory Banarasi brocade cape. The cape, handwoven in Varanasi, bore a powerful Sanskrit verse from the Bhagavad Gita. It was a rare and classy mix of traditional craftsmanship meeting high fashion, with spiritual thought stitched into the very fabric.
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But red carpets aren’t always smooth. While posing with Helen Mirren and Cara Delevingne, Helen accidentally stepped on the flowing cape, causing it to slip slightly from Aishwarya’s shoulder. Cameras captured the moment, one that could have easily become a wardrobe mishap. Instead, Aishwarya responded with calm. A soft alert to Helen, a smile, a quick adjustment, and she was back in pose as if nothing had happened. Helen apologised immediately, and the two moved on with mutual respect and warm gestures.
The dress itself, titled Heiress of Clam by designer Gaurav Gupta, was no ordinary outfit. It shimmered with silver, gold, and charcoal accents meant to reflect a cosmic design. Embellished with micro-crystals, the gown caught light like stardust. Aishwarya’s makeup was minimal and powerful, with classic red lips, soft waves, and a dewy glow that added to the timeless feel.
Aishwarya Rai’s cosmic black gown glows under Cannes lightsInstagram/gauravguptaofficial
The highlight, however, wasn’t just the sparkle or the silhouette, it was the message on the cape: “You have a right to perform your actions, but not to the results.” That choice in fact rooted her red carpet moment in something deeper than surface glamour.
Fans on social media couldn’t get enough, praising her style, grace, and the way she navigated the cape incident. Some joked that Helen cleared the way for Aishwarya’s look to shine; others called her the true “red carpet queen.”
In a festival filled with international stars, Aishwarya managed to leave a mark that wasn’t just about fashion but also about dignity, culture, and quiet strength. After nearly two decades of representing India at Cannes, she continues to do it in her own way: unapologetically, beautifully, and on her own terms.
Perhaps the biggest Bollywood celebration this year is the 50th anniversary of the iconic film Sholay, which smashed box-office records when it was released in 1975.
But what most Hindi cinema fans may not realise is that another film released that same year (technically) made a bigger profit – with a much higher return on investment. In that regard, it remains perhaps the most profitable Bollywood movie in history.
Hindu devotional drama worked miracles at the box office IMDb
That micro-budget film, Jai Santoshi Maa, achieved something so miraculous it has never been replicated. The second-highest box-office grosser of 1975, it earned more than all-time classics released that year, including Deewaar, Dharmatma and Chupke Chupke – all led by superstars. Despite having no big stars, no lavish sets, minimal marketing and being made on a shoestring budget, the Hindu devotional drama worked miracles at the box office after its release on May 30, 1975.
Eastern Eye marks the landmark film’s 50th anniversary by revisiting its remarkable story and impact, one largely forgotten over time.
The film was written with its limitations in mind, using minimal sets and focusing on emotion IMDb
Struggling actor Vijay Sharma made the leap to directing with this deeply religious drama. At a time when Bollywood was dominated by action films headlined by big stars, he secured only a modest budget – thought to be around `500,000 (£5,000) – from low-profile producer Satram Rohra.
With such limited funds, there was no scope for elaborate sets, special effects, a large cast or any major names. Kanan Kaushal, previously seen in minor supporting roles, was cast in the lead. Anita Guha, who had some success in the 1950s but was mostly inactive by the 1970s, was brought in for a guest appearance as the divine title character.
With such limited funds, there was no scope for elaborate sets, special effects, a large cast or any major names Scroll.in
Bharat Bhushan, once a major star in the 1950s and early 60s but by then largely forgotten, took on a role out of necessity. Trilok Kapoor – younger brother of Prithviraj Kapoor and uncle to Shammi, Raj and Shashi – was also struggling for work and joined the cast.
What the film lacked in glamour, it made up for with a powerful, spiritually resonant soundtrack. Composer C Arjun and lyricist Kavi Pradeep, both relatively obscure at the time, delivered career-best work despite budget constraints.
Unable to afford Lata Mangeshkar or Asha Bhosle, they turned to their lesser-known sister, Usha Mangeshkar. They did, however, manage to get Manna Dey and Mahendra Kapoor to sing one song each. The film was written with its limitations in mind, using minimal sets and focusing on emotion.
The film became a case study in how faith can fuel fandomIMDb
The story followed a pious woman who remains devoted to the goddess Santoshi Maa despite enduring severe hardship, poverty and abuse from her in-laws. Her unwavering faith is ultimately rewarded when the goddess intervenes to restore justice and peace.
When the film was ready to be released, no major distributor would take it. A smaller company finally agreed to give it a limited release, and then something extraordinary happened. It's simple storytelling, emotional arc and devotional songs struck a deep chord with audiences. Unlike the more extravagant mythological films of earlier decades, Jai Santoshi Maa was intimate, emotional and spiritual.
It felt less like watching a film and more like experiencing a prayer. What the film lacked in advertising, it made up for with astonishing word of mouth. Its appeal extended beyond the religious – the emotional story of a woman’s resilience resonated especially with female viewers.
Songs like Main To Aarti Utaru Re Santoshi Mata Ki had entire theatres singing along. While wealthier audiences flocked to watch star-studded blockbusters, grassroots viewers embraced everything about this modest devotional film, especially its message of hope.
Cinema halls screening the movie were transformed into makeshift temples, with patrons arriving barefoot, applying vermillion on their foreheads and distributing prasad after screenings. In some places, audiences performed prayers before the film began. Prasad counters even appeared inside theatres – unheard of in Indian cinema until then.
There were female-only screenings and reports of coconuts being broken at theatre entrances. In rural areas, entire villages organised trips to the nearest towns to catch a glimpse of the goddess on screen. Traditional moviegoers were replaced by worshippers, many of whom wept during the film and sang bhajans in the aisles.
As one historian recalled, “Watching Jai Santoshi Maa wasn’t like watching a movie – it was like participating in a collective act of worship.”
Cinemas that had initially rejected the film scrambled to secure it, leading to a dream run across India. When Sholay released a few months later, it crushed most of the competition, except Jai Santoshi Maa, which continued its successful run. In fact, had Sholay not been released, the devotional drama would likely have earned even more.
While record-breaking films like Sholay returned 10 to 15 times their investment, Jai Santoshi Maa reportedly earned over 100 times its budget. One journalist wrote, “Sholay gave us fire and bullets, while Jai Santoshi Maa gave us faith and devotion – and the box office bowed to both.”
Despite its massive earnings, reports suggest the producer was cheated by distributors and saw little profit. Yet the legacy of Jai Santoshi Maa went far beyond box office success.
Following its release, Santoshi Maa temples sprang up across India. Calendars, posters and religious books featuring her image flooded markets.
The film became a case study in how faith can fuel fandom, inspiring similar devotional films and later mythological television serials.
Lead actress Kanan Kaushal became so adored that fans often greeted her with reverence. Anita Guha, who played the goddess, was so strongly associated with the role that she was referred to as “Santoshi Maa” in public, with some people even seeking her blessings.
In an era dominated by big budgets and big stars, Jai Santoshi Maa remains a timeless reminder that faith and storytelling can achieve what no spectacle can. It had no brooding heroes, no bullets, and not a single superstar – but it accomplished something no other film has matched.
Remakes and similar concepts followed, but none could replicate its divine success. As director Vijay Sharma later said, “We thought it would do okay in devotional circuits. But the response was something else – a tidal wave of emotion and faith.”
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Her remarks, made during a recent appearance on the 'Today show'
Sofía Vergara, known for her role in Modern Family and more recently in Griselda, has sparked fresh debate around money and relationships after stating she would only date someone who earns as much as, or more than, she does. Her remarks, made during a recent appearance on the Today show, have drawn attention not only for their frankness but for the broader conversation they prompt about income disparity and relationship dynamics.
Vergara, 52, shared her thoughts while discussing her dating preferences with hosts Jenna Bush Hager and Erin Andrews on the 14 May episode. When asked about what she looks for in a partner, the actress responded: “I want to say the basic stuff, like health and somebody that loves me, and somebody tall, handsome.” She added, “I want somebody that has as much money as me or more, because if not, it's a nightmare. They end up resenting you.”
Her comments, while light-hearted in delivery, touched on a complex issue many couples navigate: how financial imbalance affects emotional and relational health.
The psychology behind income differences in relationships
While public reactions to Vergara’s comment have been mixed, therapists and psychologists agree that income disparity can have real effects on romantic partnerships. Lami Ronit, a wealth psychologist with practices in California and London, told Business Insider that the challenges associated with financial imbalance often run deeper than people realise, particularly when gender expectations are involved.
“Women who are the higher earners often face a double standard,” said Ronit. “They’re expected to succeed, but not so much that it threatens traditional gender roles.” Meanwhile, men are generally socialised to be comfortable in the role of financial provider, and when that role is reversed, both partners may feel unsettled.
This dynamic, Ronit explained, can lead to a range of issues — from subtle tensions to outright resentment. Women may feel pressured to downplay their financial success, while men may experience feelings of inadequacy or diminished identity.
Matt Lundquist, founder and clinical director of Tribeca Therapy in New York, noted that wealth doesn’t necessarily eliminate these struggles. “It becomes a space where individuals’ histories with money and gender expectations play out,” he said. Even in progressive relationships where traditional roles are less rigid, these dynamics can surface unexpectedly.
Dana McNeil, a relationship therapist and founder of The Relationship Place in San Diego, explained that conflicts often arise when the higher-earning partner feels entitled to make financial decisions. “Many wealthy partners may perceive they are entitled to exert more control in the relationship about how money is spent,” she said. “This can create a parent–child dynamic that leads to a loss of autonomy for the financially dependent partner.”
Such imbalances can eventually erode trust and intimacy, even in otherwise healthy relationships.
- YouTubeYouTube/ The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon store
Managing financial differences fairly
Experts say that clear communication and fairness are key to managing income disparities in relationships. Ronit recommends proportional contributions rather than strictly equal ones when it comes to shared finances. “Each person could contribute a percentage of their income toward common expenses,” she said. This approach acknowledges financial disparity without assigning greater or lesser value to either partner’s role.
McNeil advises couples to keep finances transparent by setting up three bank accounts — one for each individual and one joint account for shared expenses such as rent, groceries or leisure activities. “This setup maintains financial independence while encouraging collaboration,” she said.
Importantly, conversations about money should happen early in a relationship. Lundquist stressed that money forms a significant part of any partnership and should be addressed as such. “At some point, all couples need to confront the reality that a significant part of the partnership is economic and address both the material and symbolic aspects of this,” he said.
He also acknowledged that Vergara’s comments reflect clarity about her own needs and boundaries. “She clearly knows what she wants, and that in itself is a sign of emotional intelligence,” he added.
A broader reflection
While some may dismiss Vergara’s remarks as celebrity talk, they bring to light important questions about fairness, identity, and power within relationships. Financial imbalance is not just a logistical challenge but a relational one that can shape how partners perceive each other and themselves.
The increasing openness with which public figures discuss these topics could help normalise honest conversations around money, a subject many still find difficult to navigate. Whether it’s about shared bank accounts, financial autonomy, or expectations tied to gender and earnings, the core message from therapists remains the same: communication and mutual respect are essential for long-term relationship success.